Friday, December 16, 2011

Letter To Heart

Dear Heart,


I am writing you a letter to say I'm sorry.


Recently, I started to really think about you and needed you the most, but you weren't around. You've been gone for so long, I was worried. I thought you abandoned me. I cried long and hard because I thought you ran away. I wondered where you went. I searched all around to find the answers. Then, I took a long hard look at myself to see why. And as you already know (more than anyone else) I blame myself for things that don't turn out the way I plan.  That's one of the reasons you have stuck around so long.  You give me strength. We have always made such a wonderful team. That is just one of a million reasons why I miss you. 


After some time of not noticing you I realized, you have never really went anywhere at all. Now, all I can say is that I want things back the way they were.  I am so fortunate to have you and to see what I have done wrong.  How could I have been so selfish? You were just scared --- hiding and working extra hard to protect me and yourself from all of the harmful habits I've cost your life. ------ I ran away from you!!  I am so sorry. I was just having fun and didn't realize what I was doing.  I have made lots of mistakes in my life, but this time I REALLY REALLY get a chance to change this around so that I don't lose you!! I AM SO THANKFUL. What do you say? Can we be another "tag" team again. I know that you have been here all along and you've never left, but I want to keep you by my side like we were before. Remember when we were younger? Remember when I'd run and play and you were so happy?  Remember when I took all the chances I wanted to and never wondered where you were, or how you were doing?  You delighted in seeing me grow in all of my obstacles.  You were strongest at my falls and happiest at my laughter. You have ALWAYS been by my side.  I want the days where we were so strong and unstoppable, back. I want to do more for you than what you have done for so long.


I have stepped into a new era of my life and need your strength more than ever right now. I've recently met some really wonderful people and some old friends have come into my life again. I need you in these plans.  I know I'm gonna challenge your strength...again....(LOL) and already have a few listed "pending obstacles" in my life.  I can picture you already smiling with your "superhero" cape on! It's what you love doing the most and what you do best.  :)


I want to be honest and tell you this will not be perfect, but I have changed.  I've changed my habits. I sing again, do poetry, pray, meditate and enlighten myself and my surroundings with things and people that are so positive. I have even studied more about you and intend to do more for us in future.  We will work as a team again!! 


Just so you know, I know so much more about you right now than I ever have before, I can even sigh in contentment and breathe better knowing this.  I don't have to worry about you going anywhere and ending us because you aren't happy. I am so happy with our new connection. I have so many new hobbies you will totally enjoy doing. I also do stuff you can't stand, like listen to hard rock music (lol), stress, worry and sometimes imagine things in my own head that disappoint you.  Those are the little things I know we can work on together.  Right now, all I can promise you is that I will work my hardest and do my best to keep us happy.


Thank you for being my best friend and never letting go.


Love,




Racquel

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